Whether it is with your boss, co-worker, or client, difficult conversations are challenging to manage, and the fear of failure can sometimes be paralyzing. The key to ensuring the best outcome for everyone involved is knowing how to manage the exchange.
Here are the crucial steps to ensure a smooth, successful, and productive discussion.
The Steps to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation
Step 1) Get yourself in the right mindset by asking yourself these questions.
1. What is your purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish and what is an ideal outcome?
2. What assumptions are you making about this person’s intent? Be cautious about making any presumptions.
3. Which “buttons” of yours are being pushed? Are you more emotional than the situation warrants? Be aware of your heightened emotional state.
4. How does this person perceive the situation? Are they aware there is a problem? What solution do you think they would suggest?
5. What are your needs and fears? What are theirs? How have either of you contributed to the problem?
Step 2. Understand your emotional state and don’t forget to breathe.
No matter how well the conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose, and your emotional energy. Your attitude toward the conversation will influence your perception of it. Being positive will impact its effectiveness. Be mindful of your body language.
Step 3. Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity.
Pretend you don’t know anything and try to learn as much as possible about the other person’s point of view.What do they really want? What are they not saying? Do you know all the facts?
Let them talk until they are finished; don’t interrupt them other than to show your understanding of what they are saying. Most importantly, do not take it personally. Your goal is to learn as much as you can.
Step 4. Acknowledge the other person’s position.
Acknowledgment shows you are listening. Explain what you think is really going on from their perspective; anticipate their hopes and honor their position. People rarely change their position unless they see you understanding. Also, take ownership of your role, this will help move the conversation forward. Lastly, know that acknowledging and agreeing are not the same. Saying, “this sounds really important to you,” doesn’t mean you are going along with their decision.
Step 5. Clarify your perspective without minimizing theirs.
When you sense that the other has fully expressed his or her side, then it’s your turn. Clarify what you think they may have missed and explain yourself without minimizing their point of view. For example: “From what you’ve told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that I’m not a team player. But I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, I’m thinking about its long-term success. I don’t mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intention is clear.”
Step 6. You’re ready to problem solve.
Now you can start building solutions. Brainstorming and asking questions are essential. Ask what they think might work and then find something you like and build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to asking questions. The result will be sustainable solutions.
Additional tips and suggestions are:
Practice, practice, practice.
Acknowledge everyone’s emotional energy and direct it toward a useful purpose.
Know and return to your purpose at difficult moments.
Don’t take verbal attacks personally.
Don’t assume this person will see things from your point of view.
Practice the conversation with a mentor before holding the real one.
Mentally practice the conversation. See various possibilities and visualize yourself handling them with ease. Envision the outcome you are hoping for.
Use one of these conversation openers.
I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.
I’d like to talk about ______ with you, and first I’d like to get your point of view.
I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?
I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, “Sure, let me get back to you,” follow up with him.
I think we have different perceptions about ____________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this.
I’d like to talk about ________. I think we may have different ideas about how to __________.
I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.
About the Author
Kevin Grey is a Fractional HR Director for Warren Whitney. He serves clients requiring senior level human resource leadership and organizational development expertise across Virginia.
Editors Note: Warren Whitney is a Sponsor of VA Council of CEOs. The article was originally posted here.
Ari Meisel, founder of Less Doing, shares his thoughts on productivity, including how to decrease email inbox clutter and more with Retreat 2019 attendees.
“Less Doing” was the theme of this year’s VACEOs Retreat, and there’s no better expert on the subject than Ari Meisel. The founder of Less Doing, Meisel is a self-described “overwhelmologist” who helps entrepreneurs find focus, flexibility and freedom in their work. His methodology enables founders to become replaceable so they can scale their business.
During his workshop at this year’s Retreat, he asked the audience, “What are some of your biggest productivity challenges?” No surprise: Many members in the audience reported managing email as problematic.
Here are a few email tips we gathered from Ari’s presentation. What techniques do you use to manage your inbox? Leave us a comment. We’d love to hear about them!
4 Ways To Streamline Your Communications While Ramping Up Productivity*
TIP #1:Don’t use email for internal communications
“Email is a transactional communication,” says Ari. “Internal conversations tend to be exactly that – conversations, brainstorming, ideas, arguments. That’s why, when people try to use email, we get the 20 BCCs and forwards. It’s just not designed for it. People don’t use email very well to begin with. Using it for internal communication is terrible.”
To maximize our productivity, we need to stop unnecessary email from getting into our inbox in the first place. The best way to do that is by not using email for things we’re not supposed to use it for, says Ari. He suggests using at least four communication tools for different internal communications needs.
TIP #2:Use these tools (or similar ones) to streamline your internal communications
There’s a tool for every job, and Ari suggests you have these four, at minimum, in your toolbox:
A bridge between internal and external communications
A project management tool
For daily check-ins and conversations, Ari is a big fan of Voxer. “Every morning in our company, at 8:00 a.m., there’s a message that pops up in our Voxer group, and it says, ‘Hey team, time to check in. What are you going to work on today, and what’s your biggest obstacle?’”
Ari also suggests a tool like SLACK. Use it for conversations that aren’t brainstorming and not really conversational. Use it to share things people need to know. Ex: “Hey everybody, make sure to respond to our recent Facebook post.”
The third tool is one that bridges the gap between internal and external communications. Ari suggests ones like Intercom, Freshdeskand Help Scout.
Lastly, you need a place where things get done. That’s important, because once you’ve decided something needs to get done, it needs to be removed from the communication stream and put into a project management space – a place where things get accomplished. “Trello is my choice for project management,“ says Ari.
TIP #3:Inbox + Archive Folder + Optional Folder = All You Need
So you’ve got your communication tools in place to help with internal communications. Great! But, of course, you can’t stop the emails from coming in. Your productivity will soar if you learn how to streamline your sorting process when they do. First step? Make a dramatic change to your folder structure.
According to Ari, you only need two folders: Archive and Optional. “The inbox is the place where work should happen. That’s the Zen place. Then there’s the Archive in Outlook and Gmail, which is not garbage. It’s not deleted, it’s not gone – it’s just not in inbox. Everything else goes there. You need one other folder – the Optional folder.
TIP #4:Use a Filter (or Rule) to Optimize Your Optional Folder
To keep your email streamlined and your energy focused on the essential, it’s vital that you create an automatic method to filter messages to your Optional folder.
“In Gmail, it’s called a filter,” says Ari. “In Apple, it’s called a rule. It’s a very simple rule. It says that if an email enters your inbox and has the word ‘unsubscribe’ in it, it should skip your inbox and go right into the Optional folder.That usually takes care of about 62% of the emails that come into your inbox.”
“I know some of you are thinking, ‘But there’s that newsletter I love reading!’ which is fine,” Ari says. “It’s going to be there in the Optional folder. And you get into a habit, because our brains are not quite there with the technology, when you click on the Optional folder – which you might do once a day, or maybe once a week – and you’re now in “optional” mode. You know there’s nothing essential in there, so you can go through those Facebook updates, newsletters, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll read that,’ much faster. It’s a stress-free environment, and the inbox gets filtered for you.”
Ok, most of our messages have been filtered and moved. But we’ve still got messages in our inbox. Now what?
Utilize one of the three Ds in Ari’s decision matrix: Delete, Deal With It, or Defer.
Delete: Ask yourself, “Do I really need to respond?” “Something like 42% of the emails we reply to don’t require a response,” Ari explains. “If you’ve ever found yourself sending an email that says, ‘Got it’ or ‘Hey, thanks,’ don’t do that. There’s a boomerang effect in email: The more you send out, the more you get. We can get better about saying no. And sometimes ‘no’ is just you see it and you don’t respond to it.”
Deal With It: The second decision is deal with it. “Dealing with it could include a little Subset D, which is to delegate it,” say Ari. “If you can deal with something right now – like within the next three minutes – deal with it right now. I don’t know where we got this concept that something’s going to magically change three minutes later.”
Defer: (not to be confused with procrastination): Deferring is making an active decision and deciding that there’s a better time to do some things. “If you look at deferring as a way to decide that there’s a better time and place that you’re going to do things, it becomes really empowering for you,” Ari reveals.
Start using this decision-making matrix each day and watch your productivity soar!
Cameron Herold, international speaker and author of Double Double and Meetings Suck, teaches Retreat 2019 attendees actionable, practical things to take their businesses to the next level of growth.
Cameron Herold is the mastermind behind hundreds of companies’ exponential expansion, and he’s rightfully earned a reputation as a growth guru by guiding his clients to double their profit and their revenue in just three years or less.
During VACEOs Retreat 2019, Herold taught attendees actionable, practical tactics for taking their business to the next level. More specifically, he explained how to build a culture, how to define your big hairy audacious goal (BHAG), and how to leverage a second in command. His most important message: Growth won’t happen unless you define your vision first.
Kelley Powell, CEO of MacLaurin Group, has already taken Herold’s words to heart. She netted an extra hour with Herold after submitting the top wager in a friendly bidding war that raised funds for an amazing cause, the Cameron K. Gallagher Foundation. She’s recently spent her time working with Herold on her company’s Vivid Vision.
“Our time was incredibly meaningful…”
“I am humbled and appreciative that Cameron Herold is a part of MacLaurin Group’s journey,” said Powell. “For those who know Kelley Powell best, you will not be surprised to hear Cameron had me at ‘Goals. Measurements. Outcomes.’ Data always tells the true story. The only way to reach a Vivid Vision is to know you are on pace to get there,” she says.
“How you reach your destination of a Vivid Vision? Simply, focus,” Powell adds. She suggests you start as she did, by purchasing Cameron’s recent book, Meetings Suck for everyone on your team.
How to Create the Vision: Get Out of Your Box. Visualize and Define.
Ever think to yourself, “I wish my employees were as intuitive as I am”? If you’re like most CEOs, you have. “We’ve all said it,” said Herold at the VACEOs Retreat 2019. “The only reason you’re so intuitive is that you see the picture no one else can see. If they could see what you can see, they would be just as intuitive.”
So how do you get them to see what you can see? Create a Vivid Vision.
“The first step is you’ve got to get out of the box,” Herold told the VACEOs Retreat 2019 crowd. “You have to go, get out of the box, get out of your office, and go somewhere around nature – somewhere where you can get inspired. Pretend you’re flying in a time machine and you leave today and you arrive in the future to December 31, 2021, and I want you to look around your company, and I want you to describe what you see as if you’re standing in your company and you’re describing what you see.”
Herold’s approach includes capturing three or four bullet points about:
What customers are saying;
What employees are saying; and
What the media is writing about you.
Then move on to what your suppliers are saying, what your banker is saying, what your accountant is saying … your lawyer. Describe meetings, customer service, marketing, operations, IT, engineering and finance.
“Don’t worry about how these things are going to happen,” Herold explained. “Just describe what it feels like and then start pulling together your first rough draft. Your job as the CEO is to only pull together the first rough draft. A rough Word document – three or four pages of a Word document.”
Next, pass off your rough draft to a writer to capture it in such a way that it becomes a magnet and pulls people toward your business. Later, add some design elements to it to make it feel more like your brand.
Your Vivid Vision should attract AND repel those who take it in. “You have to be willing to push people away,” said Herold. “The alignment around vision is where culture starts. The media talking about the massages, the free bicycles, all the lunches – that’s not culture. That stuff comes way later. Culture starts with alignment on vision and getting a good employee in the same direction. Our role as CEO is to be the Chief Energizing Officer and communicate vision – and to bring in the people who buy into it.”
Learn More About Kelley Powell’s Vivid Vision Journey
About the overall experience with Cameron she tells us: “With a shared spirit of investing in others, our time was incredibly meaningful knowing together we contributed to the beacon of hope for those affected by teenage mental illness, the Cameron K. Gallagher Foundation. I have personally signed up to run the 5k in the fall. I encourage each of you reading to do so as well. Special thank you to Cameron and to the team at Virginia Council of CEO’s for creating truly meaningful connections.”
Want to hear more about Kelley Powell’s journey with Cameron Herold? Cameron will be joining Kelley on the MacLaurin Group’s “Demystifying Technology” podcast soon. (Subscribe here: https://maclaurin.group/demystifying-technology-podcast/)
Thanks for sharing your experience with us Kelley!
“Worth the Price of Membership”
We often hear that the VACEOs Annual Retreat is “worth the price of membership alone,” and it’s no wonder: It’s a three-day event filled with opportunities to learn from national thought leaders, participate in CEO workshops and network. But there are many other reasons to become a member of the Virginia Council of CEOs. Learn more about the benefits of membership.
It seems like they are everywhere these days, doesn’t it? On every street corner. In every advertisement on the radio. And don’t even look at the Business section of the newspaper!Though the number of banks in the U.S. has fallen by nearly 3,000 over the past fifteen years, it seems like you cannot go anywhere without hearing about another bank that is the best financial institution for you and your business.
Banks are an important partner for your business, and it is critical to find the bank and banker that will work with your culture. But with so many out there, how can you find the right one?The three factors below may be vital in determining the correct financial partner for your business.
RELATIONSHIP VS. TRANSACTION-BASED APPROACH
For some businesses, especially those in a growth phase, it is important to know whether or not you are looking for a bank that truly wants to partner with you in an advocacy and advisory role or one that is simply looking to provide products with limited interaction.
A relationship-focused bank will work with you on a regular basis to understand the financial picture of the company, including its history and future expectations, the diversity, expertise, and experience of the management team, and will keep you updated frequently on products and services that may be critical to your business.
A relationship-focused bank will value your input (maybe even on loan structure or interest rates!) and will usually work with you to educate the entire management team on the best loan or treasury management product services that most appropriately allows the business to progress.A relationship-based bank will seek a financial partnership with you and your company and will often have experienced, well-trained employees that have worked with companies in various industries and phases.
Conversely, other banks are focused on transaction volume and may not be seeking as much interaction between its bankers and customers. These banks are generally searching for sales opportunities and may not provide as much feedback or guidance as a relationship-focused institution.
Often with a transaction-focused bank, you may provide financial information for a loan request and then get a response some time later with a financing offer and limited interaction during the initial prospect meeting and the underwriting process. Likewise, there may not be much communication between you and your banker until a renewal period or when financial information is due on an ongoing basis. If this type of bank is best for your business, a relationship-based approach banker may feel like a “nuisance” to you as they attempt to understand your business more.
REGIONAL/NATIONAL OR COMMUNITY BANK?
Though banking may sometimes be considered a commodity product, there can be a large difference in the way a bank works with its clients simply based on its size and location.
Regional and national banks have a much larger presence with retail and commercial centers throughout a large footprint. If your business maintains a presence in various geographic locations, a regional or national bank might fit your need for check cashing, ATM services, and lending in multiple markets.
Additionally, financial institutions are governed such that they are only allowed to lend up to a certain amount according to their capital bases. Because of this, larger regional and national banks may be able to provide funding for loans that is in excess of smaller community banks. If your business maintains significant lending needs as well as the potential for large growth, a regional or national bank may fit your business’s culture.
A true community bank maintains a strong presence in the community in which it serves often engaging in activities and sponsorships that will impact its locality. Their bankers also live in and are consumers of the area to which they lend and may have a solid understanding of economic conditions within the market. Most notably, loan and deposit decision makers, including the Executive Management team, often reside within the same market and are easily accessible to the customers of the bank.
“CREDIT CULTURE”
You may have heard from your lender or other bankers in the market that each institution has a certain “credit culture.” This terminology usually refers to the amount and type of risk that your bank is willing to take.For example, one bank may be highly reliant on financial covenants for loans they extend while another may not feel obligated to require covenants. In some bank cultures, your business may also require significant financial reporting while a more liberal credit culture could allow for providing less frequent financial information.
Some business owners appreciate financial reporting and covenants that could allow them to focus on profitable growth while others may find them burdensome, especially if the company has been operated successfully for an extended period of time.
When determining the bank’s credit culture that is best for your business, make sure to work with your accounting team or advisory service to ensure expectations are clearly defined and reporting requirements are feasible.
HOW TO DETERMINE THE BEST BANK PARTNER
There are many factors that can help you determine the right banking fit for your business, and the three detailed above may be important in understanding the steps you should take to find the most advantageous current and future financial partner as your business grows.
While your need for banking services may feel immediate, take the time to get to know your bank and your banker. When you can build a relationship with a bank that fits closely to your organization, short-term opportunities can then turn into long-term positive experiences that meet the needs of your business both today and in the future.
About the Author
Matt Paciocco is a Senior Vice President, Commercial Banker with Virginia Commonwealth Bank. Matt is passionate about working with a community bank that enables him to build strong relationships with his business customers and the surrounding communities.Matt has spent the last 14 years specializing in commercial banking and has positioned himself as a leading community banker in Richmond. Please visit Virginia Commonwealth Bank’s cottage at the upcoming VACEOS Retreat.
Editors Note: VCB is a trusted Sponsor of VA Council of CEOs.
It is critical for organizations to maintain their operating systems’ functionality to ensure they continue to meet their business needs. Many companies look to external vendor partners to support and maintain these systems. These vendors are often referred to as Managed Service Providers, or MSPs. They offer a wide range of services, and expertise at various costs.
Warren Whitney’s Fractional CIO, David Nelms, works closely with mid-sized companies to select appropriate systems and partners or to assist them with managing existing partnerships.He works with companies and their partners to define strategic technology plans and key projects. Organizations need guidance for many reasons:
They aren’t comfortable with current spending levels or services.
They are growing and expect to have additional needs.
They simply don’t feel they have the appropriate background and knowledge to make key decisions.
Based on a variety of factors, it is often complicated for organizations to know how to select and/or manage their MSPs. Here are the 6 key questions we ask when assessing our clients’ MSP relationships or when we evaluate new ones:
1) Do the MSP’s technical skills and the technologies they support align with the needs of the organization?
Some hardware, software, and networking technologies are better suited for the complex needs of large enterprise organizations, while others may be a better fit for small to mid-sized companies. Some MSPs may focus on selling and supporting technologies from a limited number of vendor organizations, while others may consider themselves technology and vendor agnostic.In some cases, this creates a tradeoff between depth of knowledge and scope of what the MSP can effectively support. Companies need to have a general understanding of the type and complexity of their technological needs, so they can assess the potential fit.
2) Is the partner/potential partner a good cultural fit, and is it easy to communicate with key people in the organization?
We often find people think their MSP partners are “probably technically sound,” but they feel challenged when they try to communicate with management or the teams that work on projects or provide day-to-day support. The technical jargon used can often differ between the teams so it feels like they are speaking different languages. While sometimes difficult to do up front, it is very important to have a sense of how well the organization and the MSP will be able to work together and communicate.
3) Does the provider have well defined processes in place to make sure issues are quickly resolved and that evolving trends are proactively identified?
One of the realities in the MSP world is that most support providers either use the same tools to provide support and monitoring for systems, or they use ones that are very similar in their capabilities. The key difference is:
How well the provider configures these tools,
How frequently and thoroughly they look at the information the tools produce,
How quickly they respond to any issues that arise, and
How effectively they analyze data to differentiate root causes from symptoms. These are definitely some of the main areas to explore with any potential MSP partner.
4) Does the MSP have knowledge of any industry specific requirements and an appropriate focus on security?
Different organizations may have a variety of industry specific requirements that their technologies have to adhere to (e.g. HIPAA, PCI, etc.). All organizations need to make sure their servers, networks, PCs, and software are appropriately equipped and configured to protect against a constantly evolving set of security threats. It is absolutely critical to understand whether any potential MSP partner is equipped to both address current needs and continue to stay ahead of the game in these key areas.
5) Does the MSP contractually commit to service levels that meet the needs of the organization, and are all agreements constructed in a mutually beneficial manner?
To make sure expectations are clear for everyone involved, it is critical to have defined service levels for all key areas and to understand what the service levels mean. As an example, many people are surprised when they find that a service level stating that “systems will be available 99.9% of the time” could actually mean that the specified systems can be down for well over 8 hours over the course of a year and still be considered within the defined availability level. What if this down time was all to occur during the day on a busy day? Would this be acceptable? Companies should make sure appropriate service levels are defined and know exactly what they mean.
6) Is the relationship actively managed and trust based?
All too often, companies tell us that they are frustrated with their existing relationships, but we then find that they don’t meet regularly with the vendor partner and they feel they don’t understand what they do or how to ask them the “right questions”. As with any partnership, both parties need to be committed to set clear expectations as much as possible, communicate effectively, and actively manage the relationship. There will invariably be issues related to technology and technology support, but the key question relates to how effectively any issues get resolved. As soon as trust in a partner erodes significantly, this is usually an indication of a larger issue.
While some of these questions may seem basic, the challenging part is asking the questions correctly and assessing the information provided, especially for organizations that don’t have experienced technology leadership. Defining and managing relationships with technology partners is especially challenging for complex organizations, especially ones that are growing rapidly, undergoing a wide variety of changes, or heavily dependent on internal process efficiency.
About the Author
Helping define and manage technology partners is just one of the many Fractional and Advisory services provided by Warren Whitney’s Technology and Operations team. David Nelms serves as a member of Warren Whitney’s management team of for-profit and not-for-profit clients. He works with firms in the areas of technology and operations, where he provides services ranging from strategic planning to ongoing management of teams and key initiatives. Learn more about David Nelms.
Editor’s note: Warren Whitneyis a trusted Sponsor of VA Council of CEOs. This article was originally posted to warrenwhitney.com.
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